My biggest fear was being told “hizi dawa no mixing with alcohol for two weeks I don’t know about you, but I have assorted alcohol related fears. Just the other day I went to see Dr Koome. Issues to do with the scrotum paining like it was being sliced using a diesel power saw. My […]
She kept her class of preferring 15 year old whiskies at my expense We don’t like visitors. Kwanza this Christmas is even worse. For one, there is that small matter of visitors not being so keen on sanitizers, washing hands and using face masks. Most have stopped ku-gota for extended handshakes and hugs. Then this […]
Kanana is the barmaid with a sexy voice which seduces Brayo to fuliza mobile cash, drink his rent Skonye, the counter girl with big brown eyes at the local formed a WhatsApp group for her regulars. To launch it, Prof, the drinker who comes to read novels at the local suggested in all respect to […]
‘House number 13, I won’t be sent to buy condoms like a small boy…yet you have rent arrears!’ The caretaker is not just the caretaker of the flat. He is also the cleaner, car wash guy, aerial expert, Internet and sewer fixer, water metre reader and errand boy. The caretaker, mostly a man, is the […]
Then kwa umbali, I felt that itching bowel movement that signaled imminent diarrhea I woke up to a dry cough, fatigue and my mango head was throbbing like Lucifer was peeing hot urine inside. I tried calling out names like Alice Lakwena and Felicien Kabuga but words got stuck at the sore in the throat. […]
Onyi, the electrician has red lips indicative of someone used to swlling copious amounts of ‘Glen-Ugenya’ You will always find half finished bottles of makali in every kalevi’s house. They are different brands, most times: Whiskeys, brandies, gins, bourbons, rams, harsh spirits. Drunkards collect them in various ways. Like hosting a bottle party and friends […]
Using a face mask is out as reaching out for my glass of makali requires an open mouth For ruining our daughter’s birthday, I was condemned to sleeping on the long sofa. It is where I often find myself at midnight after Nimo, the resident nagger retires to bed, double locking doors. The long sofa […]
By the time mtu wa kuchinja arrived seven hours later, Professor was peeing from the balcony It was my daughter’s birthday. She just turned three. I made the inebriated mistake of inviting drinkers from the local since bars were closed. They have since been opened. The drama that ensued made my wife, Nimo, the resident […]
One look at you and she can tell you ‘have money like a nonsense’, or you got your wife and mpango pregnant at the same time I was finally at Teke Teke Wines & Spirits, our local in the hood. President Uhuru, the Chief Kanyui himself, had closed all bars. Drinkers, he said, were spreading […]
Aunt wa Harrier was even worse, her face resembled a murram road towards Kiangoma village Aunt wa Harrier and I chewed a blackout by the police road block. Drinking overnight has its hazards. You wake up smelling like a brewery in a face that could fit the village witch. Mine appeared like it had been […]
