The Bar Stool with Papa Whiskey

Please, social distance plumbers from high-end makali

Onyi, the electrician has red lips indicative of someone used to swlling copious amounts of ‘Glen-Ugenya’

Devil drinks: The other consumer of Ma-Half za makali is the plumber. Most have time, are always thirsty.

You will always find half finished bottles of makali in every kalevi’s house. They are different brands, most times: Whiskeys, brandies, gins, bourbons, rams, harsh spirits. Drunkards collect them in various ways. Like hosting a bottle party and friends leave behind different brands before chewing a blackout.

Then there are times the wines and spirits runs out of your choice poison. You  settle for the nearest brand, but which you don’t finish either.

These assorted bottles of ‘half-makalis’ have their uses. They are the drinks you welcome that relative from shags whose liver has been condemned to 20 years of sieving ‘Glen-Ugenya’, basically chang’aa from Ugenya.

Uncle Jamaica drinks them dry and so fast he ends up ‘Calling Mwaura’ all over our carpet

Take my Uncle Jamaica. His starter when he comes visiting is not tea with nduma but the different leftovers of ‘Ma-Half’ za makali which he empties arguing “I can’t eat on an empty stomach.”

The problem with this kind of welcome is that Uncle Jamaica drinks them dry and so fast he ends up ‘Calling Mwaura’ all over our carpet. That really angers Nimo, the resident nagger as it takes a month to clean, dry, fumigate, sanitize.

The other consumer of Ma-Half za makali is the plumber. Most have time, are always thirsty. They are also used to Second Generation devil drinks. The sight of high end whiskeys sees them mouthing stuff like “wacha kwanza ni charge…hii kazi ni one-touch.”

Wololo! the plumber chewed a blackout and left all taps running, flooding the house

Imagine I don’t know the plumber’s name despite coming to repair taps for two years since sometimes we use borehole water which tastes like hyena’s pee. The plumber usually has just one spanner with adjustable calibration. Removing silt costs Sh200 from every tap. He’s done within 15 minutes. That is Sh1000 for five taps. I am yet to figure out a faster way of earning money.

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So, there was this day we gave him different brands of Ma-Half za makali and took to the shops leaving him doing the repairs. Wololo! he chewed a blackout and left all taps running, flooding the house. We needed a canoe from Nyando to get him out! He had also gone an extra mile, unscrewing shower taps and all sinks!

Then there is also Onyi, the electrician. He has red lips indicative of someone used to swlling copious amounts of ‘Glen-Ugenya’. Like the plumber, Onyi electrician is ever thirsty, has no brand loyalty and is always ready for frothy action.

Onyi has to take shots of Ma-Half without which his hands shake, screw driver hardly getting into the socket screws.

We can’t forget ‘Ka-bro’, the caretaker. His is a story for next week…  

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