Never mind President Uhuru Kenyatta lives in State House which is in Kilimani By Pascal Owade Contributing editor/crime @UndercoverKe Drug dealers, gun runners, money launderers and gold scammers all find a home in Nairobi’s Kilimani-the place of wild parties and more often, murders. Not a month passes before police are called in on something that […]
Month: August 2020
Who changes Jomo Kenyatta’s underwear at the Mausoleum?
Founding President has to look good when his family checks on him inside Parliament grounds By Mbatia wa Njambi Visiting Thinker @UndercoverKe Someone changes the suit worn by founding President Mzee Jomo Kenyatta in readiness for his annual memorials marked this week. Iron his shirt, adjust tie, tighten belt, shampoo the fly-whisk, comb his hair, […]
Counter girl’s bosom: Where you have to die… to be born again!
One look at you and she can tell you ‘have money like a nonsense’, or you got your wife and mpango pregnant at the same time I was finally at Teke Teke Wines & Spirits, our local in the hood. President Uhuru, the Chief Kanyui himself, had closed all bars. Drinkers, he said, were spreading […]
Deep State: It can make you read your own obituary…sprint from your shadow!
Its agenda is not to help the masses; build schools, dig boreholes, prevent teenage pregnancies, discover vaccines By GW Ngari Editor-at-Large @UndercoverKe Billionaire wheeler-dealer Jimi Wanjigi woke up to his own obituary in the Daily Nation in February, 2018. He was awarded Sh8 million for damages (of being killed prematurely), but ‘the system’ which works […]
Morning after: When you want to pee, diarrhea, ‘call Mwaura’ at the same time
Aunt wa Harrier was even worse, her face resembled a murram road towards Kiangoma village Aunt wa Harrier and I chewed a blackout by the police road block. Drinking overnight has its hazards. You wake up smelling like a brewery in a face that could fit the village witch. Mine appeared like it had been […]
Daniel Adongo: Troubled star earned Sh70 million at 25… now begging mum at 30!
Washed out and depressed, this celebrity is juggling drugs, the occult and other dark forces By Idris ‘Shoes’ Lule Contributing editor/sports @UndercoverKe He looks rugged, like a delusional street boy. But Daniel Adongo, now seemingly high on something stronger than a cigarette, earned Sh75 million by the time he was 25 years playing in the […]
Johnson Sakaja: Why landlord MaDvD…has been chasing him around!
Nairobi Senator downgraded from Karen to Lavington ‘so that I can have lunch at home’ By Shifa Mwihaki Feature writer/Essayist @UndercoverKe Nairobi Senator Johnson Sakaja-the former guitarist for a gospel band- not only recently pleaded guilty to drinking after curfew hours, but has also been running away from his landlord-fellow politician Musalia Mudavadi or ‘MaDvD’. […]
Usiku Sacco: Hilarious curfew drama at police road block
One drunk female driver ran uchi wa mnyama towards the forest shouting ‘Afande nikikupea utawezana kweli?’ We had to spend the night by the police road block. It was 9pm. Curfew time. Makarao were not laughing with us. Aunt wa Harrier, who had stopped to deal with her diarrhea in the bush, said there was […]
Mlevi wa Taifa: How Kenyan Presidents… staggered at State House!
Is there anything wrong when the Head of State ‘thanks his body’ with excessive drinking? By Mbatia wa Njambi Visiting Thinker Uhuru Konyagi. Jameson Wanjohi. Lawson Wamashati. Kinyua. Drunken Master. Commander-in-Drinks. These are the counter of nicknames Kenyans have tagged President Uhuru Kenyatta on social media. They are all related to his drinking habits now […]
Ken Ouko: He was a dashing millionaire, when fellow lecturers hawked eggs
Campus girls swooned over him, the ones from Central Kenya were mesmerized by his fluency in Kikuyu By Undercover Reporter He had a soft spot for campus girls. They more than loved him back. And it wasn’t just because he used their hand lotions while cracking jokes during Introduction to Sociology. Ken Ouko, the eminent […]