The Bar Stool with Papa Whiskey

Curfew manenos: When drink kaputs, barmaid is paged… pub is closed!

My biggest fear was being told “hizi dawa no mixing with alcohol for two weeks

Bottled fears: I also have this fear of finding my favourite pub closed. It is like finding your wife gone without notice. I also fear someone buying everyone and leaving me out.

I don’t know about you, but I have assorted alcohol related fears. Just the other day I went to see Dr Koome. Issues to do with the scrotum paining like it was being sliced using a diesel power saw.

My biggest fear was being told “hizi dawa no mixing with alcohol for two weeks.” The last time I had an appointment with Dr Koome- the only Meru man I know who doesn’t chew miraa or get angry ovyo ovyo– I requested he either prescribed alcohol-compatible medication or “ni dunge tu sindano.” The problem is lowering my trousers for another man to see my butt crack while inserting a syringe like a vet to a cow. And by the way, why are butts always cold even during hot weather?

Then there is that fear of your friends leaving you drinking all alone like a witch

I also have this fear of finding my favourite pub closed. It is like finding your wife gone without notice. Or finding it open but your favourite poison is out of stock. Drinking in a different bar is not the same as the one where the waitress knows you love your lagers sweating cold. Or you love sipping makali with lime, ndimu na maji moto.

Still on bars, I also fear someone buying everyone and leaving me out. There is nothing as painful as buying yourself a drink in the wake of a missed free round. It feels like kura imeibiwa.

Then there is that fear of your friends leaving you drinking all alone like a witch. Do you also fear being the last to leave the pub? I even buy strangers so that I can scatter and leave them swilling as the last men standing. Have you also felt sad after finding your favourite barmaid pregnant?

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Do I really need to see a psychiatrist over these fears or just cure them with another drink?

The 10pm curfew has come with a new fear: Fear of going home when you don’t feel like going home

I tell you, nothing makes me feel I won’t find sleep like knowing I am going home and I am not sure whether the mzinga I left was running dangerously low. I even break into a sweat.

This mzinga also induces some fear of it ending at midnight when you’re lifting the glass to your mouth a little too fast yet all bars are closed and you’re still feeling sober.

The 10pm curfew has come with a new fear: Fear of going home when you don’t feel like going home!

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