When it comes to marriage, there is nothing like a smart man, just an idiot looking for a wife By Brian Guserwa Visiting Thinker We have heard it said a thousand times, men are simple creatures and hardly look beyond the dimples and derriere when choosing a wife. A nice, weighty pair of breasts is […]
‘House number 13, I won’t be sent to buy condoms like a small boy…yet you have rent arrears!’ The caretaker is not just the caretaker of the flat. He is also the cleaner, car wash guy, aerial expert, Internet and sewer fixer, water metre reader and errand boy. The caretaker, mostly a man, is the […]
Then kwa umbali, I felt that itching bowel movement that signaled imminent diarrhea I woke up to a dry cough, fatigue and my mango head was throbbing like Lucifer was peeing hot urine inside. I tried calling out names like Alice Lakwena and Felicien Kabuga but words got stuck at the sore in the throat. […]
Onyi, the electrician has red lips indicative of someone used to swlling copious amounts of ‘Glen-Ugenya’ You will always find half finished bottles of makali in every kalevi’s house. They are different brands, most times: Whiskeys, brandies, gins, bourbons, rams, harsh spirits. Drunkards collect them in various ways. Like hosting a bottle party and friends […]
Using a face mask is out as reaching out for my glass of makali requires an open mouth For ruining our daughter’s birthday, I was condemned to sleeping on the long sofa. It is where I often find myself at midnight after Nimo, the resident nagger retires to bed, double locking doors. The long sofa […]
By the time mtu wa kuchinja arrived seven hours later, Professor was peeing from the balcony It was my daughter’s birthday. She just turned three. I made the inebriated mistake of inviting drinkers from the local since bars were closed. They have since been opened. The drama that ensued made my wife, Nimo, the resident […]
One look at you and she can tell you ‘have money like a nonsense’, or you got your wife and mpango pregnant at the same time I was finally at Teke Teke Wines & Spirits, our local in the hood. President Uhuru, the Chief Kanyui himself, had closed all bars. Drinkers, he said, were spreading […]
Its agenda is not to help the masses; build schools, dig boreholes, prevent teenage pregnancies, discover vaccines By GW Ngari Editor-at-Large @UndercoverKe Billionaire wheeler-dealer Jimi Wanjigi woke up to his own obituary in the Daily Nation in February, 2018. He was awarded Sh8 million for damages (of being killed prematurely), but ‘the system’ which works […]
Aunt wa Harrier was even worse, her face resembled a murram road towards Kiangoma village Aunt wa Harrier and I chewed a blackout by the police road block. Drinking overnight has its hazards. You wake up smelling like a brewery in a face that could fit the village witch. Mine appeared like it had been […]
One drunk female driver ran uchi wa mnyama towards the forest shouting ‘Afande nikikupea utawezana kweli?’ We had to spend the night by the police road block. It was 9pm. Curfew time. Makarao were not laughing with us. Aunt wa Harrier, who had stopped to deal with her diarrhea in the bush, said there was […]
